Guest Post by Seleste deLaney and Kiss of Life Review

Sel's Adventures in Online Dating…the Blog Edition

I'm usually prepared when I do a blog tour for bloggers to ask me to write about all sorts of things. I wasn't, however, prepared to be asked to write about online dating. I mean, I started writing a romance that has to do with online dating, so I suppose if this were a tour for that book, I'd be less surprised, but…vampires and online dating.


Okay, I can give this a whirl.

In fairness, when I was active on OKCupid, I did post a lot on Twitter about the weird/funny/disturbing messages I would get. So, I suppose the curiosity makes sense. I only worry that the little snippets were far more entertaining than a full story will be.


I started online dating about two months after the ink was finally dry on my divorce. I'd gone out with a couple guy friends prior to that but things hadn't worked out for various reasons (ie—lack of interest on one or both parts). Several people I know have found love online though, so I figured there was no harm in giving it a go.


Dear gods was I wrong.


In fairness, I've spoken with people who have told me that the online dating environment was totally different just a year couple years earlier, so I think I simply missed the window of opportunity, but let's get to the good stuff….


Imagine standing over a cove in the ocean. It's really deep and you can see clearly. There's a ton of fish in there, but there’s also a few sharks. No worries, you think. After all, you’re wearing your new great-white-shark-proof bikini. No way are those jerks getting you.


So you jump in.


And you're suddenly swarmed by fish. I don't mean one or two, I mean dozens. You haven't even put on your flippers (filled out your profile) yet, but there are all these fish demanding that you feed them.


And then, seemingly at random, some of the fish turn into sharks. And others are apparently piranhas…which your bikini doesn't do a thing to stop.


That's pretty much what online dating feels like.


I could start having a perfectly normal conversation with a guy about…fitness, then boom! Dick pic.


Or, we could be talking about the upcoming Marvel movie when suddenly he starts talking about all the things he's going to do to me (you know, when he gets me alone in his bed….because I guess he keeps his bed at the movie theater or something.)


Examples of piranha are numerous. But my favorites were always the guys who had nothing in common with me, but were intent on getting together anyway.


Me: Well, I see by your profile that you're into religious extremism, gun worship, and hate animals. I'm not really sure we'd get along.
Guy: Of course we will. You just need to meet me. I promise, I'm a lot of fun in person.
Me: Yeah….no. I'm not sure I can get past the idea that you'd hate my pets and try to kill them in the name of whatever god you worship.
Guy: Seriously, none of that matters.
Me: How can it not matter?
Guy: Because I think you're hot.
Me: *blink*

Sadly, that type of conversation is not unique (though I did amp up the negatives so as to avoid talking about any one guy in particular). Because to a lot of men view dating sites as nothing more than a meat market, and every woman on there is nothing but a side of beef or a slab of bacon. (mmmm…bacon…)


Are there good ones in the mix? Yes. I'm sure there are. But I never met any of them. Most guys didn't make it past my intensive screening process (which involved "talk to me for a while until I'm comfortable with the idea of meeting you and it fits in my schedule." Lack of patience tended to make their inner shark come out to play…or they swam away.) But of those I did go make dates with, they fell under the following headings (sometimes more than one):

• No show (and no call either - they just disappeared)
• Hung up on his ex
• Self-involved asshole
• Doesn't have his own place (and I don't mean lives with roomies, I mean lives at home and apparently girlfriends aren't allowed there)
• Looking for a hookup only
• Bitches about every woman he's ever met

Needless to say, I've given up (at least for now) on online dating. It's quite possible that one of those fish that swam away was the right one. (And I often wonder about the one I let get away. I ended up running into him at a concert. Let's just say there were some regrets involved. But such is the danger in googling a guy with a lot of info online after already being burned by too many of the aforementioned examples.)


Will I try it again? My heart says no. It takes a lot of time and energy to be honest, and it's terribly disheartening. But…at some point I'm going to want to date again, and in this day and age, I'm not really sure what the options are.


Maybe I'll get lucky and meet a hot vampire at a winery.


If only I drank wine…


About Seleste:


At a young age, Seleste deLaney discovered the trick to not being afraid of the monsters under the bed was to turn them into heroes. Since that time, she's seen enough of human monsters that she prefers to escape to fictional worlds where even the worst demons have to play by the rules and the good guys might end up battered and bruised (or dead), but they always win. And really, isn't that the way it should be?


She resides in the Detroit area with all her favorite monsters (nice ones - some are furry and the others call her Mom) and is hard at work on her next book. In those rare moments when she isn't battling terrorists, vampires, or rogue clockworks, she can be found all over the Internet, where she loves to interact with readers...

The vampire's curse has been awakened, and Jocelyn has no choice but to accept her destiny as the Blood Kissed — the one destined to destroy the vampires ... or rule them. While Max and Chad want to help her reach her full potential, not all of the supernaturals share their plan.

The Council of Elders, a crazed sorcerer assassin, and a vampire hunter out for revenge have driven Jocelyn into hiding. She and her ragtag army have holed up in the forests of Michigan's upper peninsula to get ready for the fight. If training is any indication, they should be ready for war by the time she turns fifty.

But no one is going to let her wait that long. War is nigh, the death toll is rising, and when Michigan's most famous harbinger of doom shows up on the scene, the army of the Blood Kissed is hoping for a miracle, praying to be graced with a little kiss of life...


I have to admit it has been a long time since I've read Kiss of Death and I did not think to re-read it before this so I honestly was a bit lost because apparently my brain doesn't hold a lot of information (I blame that on my day job, I have lots to remember in that). As lost as I was at the beginning, I still liked the book. As a big Sel advocate, I've missed her writing so I'm just happy when I get to read something from her.

This is the lead up and start of the big war between vampires and Jocelyn's army. The story is narrated from lots of different view points - Jocelyn, Chad, Logan and Remy (maybe another person that I just can't remember right now?), and I have to say I found it confusing to keep up. Most books I've read with different POVs have the chapter break as the switch over and/or have the character name at the start of the section. It's easy enough to figure out the POV quickly enough but there was a lot of switching in short periods and I just found it difficult to read smoothly.

Sadly, I think this is my least favourite of the series so far. I found it hard to get into and keep going. I will continue to read this series despite this being my least favourite.


Amazon UK: Kiss of Life

Amazon US:Kiss of Life

Smashwords:Kiss of Life

Kobo:Kiss of Life

Nook UK:Kiss of Life

Barnes & Noble:Kiss of Life

Clockwork Mafia Blog Tour - Seleste deLaney Guest Post

Last month, I reviewed Clockwork Mafia by Seleste deLaney - the 2nd book in the Badlands series. The book is due out on the 29th of April and Seleste has agreed to grant this wee blog with her beauteous presence as part of her blog tour for the book's release.

Once Upon a Time…

Alternate history is kind of a tricky thing. As the author, I know how many things played out that came before the books, but those snippets of history are hard to fit into the novels and novellas without screaming info dump. One part of the world of the Badlands that I’m often asked about is how, in a penal colony, did women come to rule. So, sit back and grab a mug of the libation of your choice, and let me tell you a story…

Once upon a time, the United States decided to set aside their issues with the British and steal a page from their playbook. The cost to care for criminals began overwhelming the states and they looked to Britain and the Australian penal colony as inspiration. True, the states didn’t have access to a large island nation, but there were large tracts of wild lands west of the Mississippi…

It soon became commonplace to banish violent criminals and repeat offenders to the land across the river. As the move proved successful—few returned—more and more convicts were sent away. Eventually, their women and children started to follow—determined to keep their families intact.

But the area was rough and proved deadly in many ways, not least of all the abundance of violent men. Families determined to survive began training their children—especially the girls, who were most at risk of violence—in weapons and fighting. These warrior women bred more, and the Border Guard unofficially came into being before the monarchy.

Soon enough, the reformed criminals realized the guards weren’t enough. They needed real prisons where the men could be reformed. And for that they needed rulers.

Imagine, if you will, a council of men—all former convicts—sitting around trying to figure out who gets to be in charge. Within a very short period, arguing and fights erupted. At that point, the warrior women surrounded the group and drew their weapons. A single woman strode to the center of the assemblage and announced her ascension to the throne. The women had decided she was most fit to rule and if the men had a problem with it, they could take it up with her guards.

There were a few attempted rabble-rousers over the next few years, but they were dealt with via swift and permanent justice. The new nation had no room for softness at the time. But before he was put to death, one of the men was quoted as saying, “These were bad lands when we were sent here, and they’ll never be anything but so long as women rule.” With that, the Badlands were born.

Clockwork Mafia:
Inventor Henrietta Mason is retiring from airships and adventuring to return home to Philadelphia. Determined to erase all trails leading to her late father's duplicity, she dismantles his lab and removes all records of the Badlands gold. While in the city, she can't resist the lure of a charity gala but winds up regretting the whole experience. Well, everything except a heart-racing dance with a certain U.S. Marshal.
His career and vengeance on the line, Carson Alexander must prove a connection between Senator Mason and the mafia. He lucked out happening across Mason's strikingly beautiful daughter, only to have her slip through his fingers. On a desperate hunt to track her down, he never expects his search to take him into the brutal Badlands.
With a mechanically enhanced enforcer after them, only Carson knows the extent of the danger they face. He'll have to win over Henrietta's trust, and her heart, before it's too late...

Buy at:
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If you aren’t going to be able to see her next week at the Romantic Times Booklovers’ Convention—or even if you are—you can also find Seleste around the internet:
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